有时候，幸福很简单。
有时候，幸福很困难。
有时候，你爱的人是爱你的人。
有时候，爱你的人就在你生边。

小时候，很希望快点长大。
长大后，却很想念小时候。

其实，我什么都不想要。我只要能和爱的人幸福快乐就够了。。。
我发现，我还是最喜欢依靠在你（们）这里。
我还是最喜欢舒舒服服的，踏踏实实的在这里。

After all this while, did i realised all i wanted to was to be happy and spend my life and day with the ones i love.
We don't need to compromise what we want with what we need.
All those lies made to compromise to what we need, let it be.
From now on, start living life what i want it to be.
I will not deprive myself from what i want anymore. It feels good to do what i want to.
If i'm not okay, i will say it, i will do what i want to make me feel better.
What all ladies want out there is really simple, a Man or pillar of support that she can fall back on.
I know clearly, I'm not okay, yet.

Dreams, Love, Joy, Happiness

What are dreams?

What is love?

What is joy?

What is happiness?

Everyone have different answer to all these questions.

But for me, I do have big and small dreams.

Although, my big dreams might seems tough to achieve but... I dk why, my small dreams seems even tougher to achieve.

Small things like a family trip, family dinner or even family daytrip in Singapore seems so difficult. I've never like to share abt my family, so if you do happened to know, you're someone i trust and important to me.

I know it seems silly to envy other ppl, like your friends being able to have such a close family and bonded. There are many reasons and stories of my family, I used to feel ashamed but now i just don't even bother anymore. 

Love, to me is sharing and caring or even holding on and not letting go in tough times. And even if you're not together, you will still feel happy for that person. There is not first come first serve, no right or wrong, yes or no and there is no "I think". Love, might not be towards a person, it can be towards things. & Love, is not perfect. 

(I love you)

Joy. 

There's a saying, when you share the joy, you doubled it.

“分享的快樂是加倍的快樂，分擔的痛苦是減半的痛苦”。

When you do so, you will start to enjoy and get more joy.
I do believe in this saying and I practice it.



Happiness is...
being able to stay by each other's side. 
all the small little details remembered and done for each other.
being able to see you and look at you, knowing you're alive.
SMILE.

Sometimes, it's the small little things that counts. I must admit i'm a very sentimental person. So by remembering dates that might not seems significant, will make me feel happiness. 

This might sound silly and stupid but, knowing that you're still alive every day, that's happiness to me. Don't take life for granted, he/she might be here today but not tmr.

At the age of 21, I seems to have matured so much, getting stronger and knowing when to take a break. 

At the age of 21, I can finally admit that loving myself is beautiful.

忘了，我都忘了。

忘了有多久，沒有告訴自己需要被愛。
忘了有多久，沒有告訴自己需要被疼。
忘了有多久，沒有告訴自己需要被保護。
忘了有多久，沒告訴自己需要依靠。
忘了有多久，沒告訴自己需要軟弱。
忘了有多久，沒有好好哭過。
忘了有多久，沒有好好抱過。
忘了有多久，沒有好好愛過。
忘了有多久，沒發現自己也需要幸福。
忘了有多久，沒有為自己做過自己想做的事。
原來，我已經忘了那麽多。
原來，我是為別人而過。
原來，我封閉了自己。
原來，我也需要自私一次，為了自己。

對不起，對不起自己。
我終於發現這些了，我終於勇敢的哭了。
對不起，如果我沒有好好對待自己。
對不起，如果我沒有好好保握。

Finding the balance

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving. - Albert Einstein

To find the balance in life is no easy task, i'm still trying to find the balance in my life. It takes time to find it, the road down might be tough but i believe i would survive. 
I'm trying to keep moving to find the balance in life, i'm trying to adventure out and find the really me. i am still me, it's just that when you grow up you will and you might have lost yourself in the crowd. Losing yourself in the crowd is like losing your soul, losing who you are and it just seems that you are a walking dead. Honestly speaking, letting yourself out is not easy so is letting go of your past and keep moving on. 
I thought i've always been moving on but i just realised all i did was searching for you in the crowd and pretending everything is okay. Yes, i like to complicate my life and contradict myself, at the very least that was what i used to be. Never did i realised, by letting go i'm freeing myself from all these tortures. I'm not going to make any promises 'cos nothing is meant to be promised and nothing would last forever. 

至少我不会再想那么多，我不会要求自己把事情都做到最好。当一个女强人好累，好辛苦。现在的我只想当个能让自己快乐的我，我不要再让自己感到伤心或难过。
我能多骄傲不堪一击就倒 。一个人到底可以有多少种面具，一个人到底可以在多少人身上找到别人的影子。
我想我已经找到我的答案了。。。

When everything crashes and everything worthwhile crashes

I know that I'm back to the girl with her walls up, refuse to speak out how she feels, refuse to share what is happening to her. 'cos I know I'm no longer in that comfort zone, 'cos I know I have to be cautious of my words.  I know I'm stubborn, but that's just me.
I don't want to live a life of 'What ifs', I want to live a life of 'So what?' Everyone is the same yet different.
One day, you might realised you shouldn't have done this or that but don't regret on things you should have done yet you didn't.
So what that we couldn't be like before? So what that I might have forgotten our memories? So what that I have forgotten a part of me? Do all this matter when you realise you have stopped trying? Do all this still matters when you just can't let it go? Do all this still matters when you have already lost a part of me? You can answer all this yourself but I dk what your answer and my answer would be. 'cos I'm trying to deny everything that is rushing towards me, 'cos I'm trying to tell myself 'It's okay', 'cos I'm trying to find the equilibrium. 
I don't want to hurt anyone, might it be you, us or even me. It's like fixing a messed up jigsaw puzzle with that key missing piece in your hands and it's just incomplete. What's left are pictures of us to tell our story. I'm sorry to have hurt you in anyway but honestly, who cares about me now? Who cares if i'm feeling torned apart?



I miss us, I miss how we can talked non-stop, I miss how we can be each other's pillar of support, I miss everything about us.

Vulnerable

The person that can hurt you the most, is yourself.The worst feeling to have is to be angry with yourself.

Sometimes, I just feel like going back to become the person that only care about herself, and don't mind killing and hurting everyone else around her.
But tell me, how do I even do that when I have lost that in me.

I'm sorry to say that I'm stubborn and I will be that for my stand point. 
How can I say I hate myself, when it's one of the worst  thing in the world.

Maybe it's time for me to be back to the "Ice-mountain".

How much courage does a broken heart need, to step out of the comfort zone.How many  times do I need, to find the one.

Just how long do I need, to stop being angry with myself.

Confused...

I should be doing my assignments but I just can't start doing it, especially now when I'm feeling so confused and mixed feelings.
我的心好乱，我到底怎么了？
I know it's not the appropriate time to be thinking of this but i just can't stop myself from being distracted. 
Just tell me what to do now, i feel so lost...


我对你的喜欢，是那种只希望可以陪着你就好了。
我对你的喜欢，是那种只要你开心我就会支持你的。
我对你的喜欢，是那种只要能一辈子有你在就好了。
我对你的喜欢，是那种只要你幸福就好了。

那么我到底对你是什么感觉啊？ 我快要疯了！！